we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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