The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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