I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
