So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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