you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
