i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
