Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
