Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
