would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
