Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
