It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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