if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
