Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
