Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
