There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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