please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you traded sex for a burrito?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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