Im at strip club and am horny
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
