What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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