YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
