I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you didnt know i had herpes?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
