I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
