Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
