I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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