Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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