My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
