Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
