I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
