dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
