Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
