i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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