this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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