I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
