Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
