It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
