There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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