How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
