i think my tv is drunk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
