Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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