I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
