the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
