His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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