This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
