He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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