remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
nutella sex= disaster
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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