Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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