I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
