We're like a lot better than the average bears
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
