ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
