If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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