nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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